Tiredness

It's a bizarre thing, but sometimes I'm so tired I want to cry. And that's the only reason. It's not like someone's just died or life is going pear-shaped. I'm just tired. I think it's got something to do with maturity and responsibility. Because all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for about 100 hours. But I can't do that. I can't even postpone what I'm doing right this instant to have a short nap. I could, theoretically, go home from work, turn my electric blanket on, get into bed and sleep through the rest of the afternoon. But this is where the maturity comes into it. Because if I was many (or even a few) years younger I would probably do exactly that. But I can't. I have to ignore what I want to do, to do the things I have to do. And it's maturity that enables me to do that. It's maturity that enables me to stop picturing my oh so cosy bed, and even to stop just staring at the computer screen. It's maturity that gives me the ability to actually keep on working when all I want to do is sleep.
Secretly, I wish I didn't have to. If I had a choice, I would revert back to a child in an instant, just so I could deny maturity, so I could claim childishness and tantrums and cast the weight of my responsibilities onto someone stronger. Then youth could be my excuse for achieving nothing. And I could sleep all day long. I don't think I fully appreciated this when I was a child. But if I could have my childhood over, I would sleep right through it just to make up for what I'm missing now.