Tuesday, April 14, 2009
~ A Thought ~
It seems to me that making a person believe that they will get what they want if only they try to have a little more faith, to pray a little harder, or more often, is a thoughtless and cruel burden to place on them when they are already bowed down by pain. To use a picturesque expression, it is really kicking them when they are down.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Dark and twisty
When Derek proposed to Meredith he said this:
You got me into the OR. If there's a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse, you've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are.
I want to remember that quote, because maybe it's true of me too. Maybe it's not always bad to have darkness. Maybe, sometimes, darkness can bring strength.
You got me into the OR. If there's a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse, you've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are.
I want to remember that quote, because maybe it's true of me too. Maybe it's not always bad to have darkness. Maybe, sometimes, darkness can bring strength.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Jesus is master
Luke 4.31-37
Jesus [said]..."Come out of him!". When the demon had thrown him down before them, he came out of him without having done him any harm.
It is possible to come unharmed out of suffering because Jesus will always be master of the situation.
This seems actually impossible to me, that I could be changed by an experience of suffering without being harmed. That Jesus really is, or chooses to be, master of all the suffering in my life, in the lives of people I love. It is difficult, I suppose, not to take the hard lesson, the negative lesson, not to confront God with confusion, suspicion, anger. It's true that I sometimes don't understand why, if God really loves me, as 'master' of the situation, he doesn't protect me from all the ache.
But I suppose it is only the foolish tantrum of a child to say this. Like in Psalm 73 - 'When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant; I was like a brute beast toward you.' Because neither does a small child understand why their parents won't let them stay up all night, eat only sweets and never vegetables, bang pots continually with a wooden spoon, play with matches. They don't understand the purpose of this apparently cruel treatment, but in retrospect it all makes sense. In retrospect they see that their parents were actually looking after them more carefully, more lovingly, than they could have looked after themselves. Because they are the joy of their parent's lives: the tenderest, most precious gifts their parents will ever be given, and that they long to protect.
This is true of my life. Or I hope it is. Jesus IS master of my life, of my suffering. And although I may suffer all kinds of insults, humiliations, bruises, pain, God cares for me more lovingly than I could possibly care for myself. And the important things will remain intact, will even be enhanced. My confidence in him. I hope this is true, that after all the questioning, all the fear and doubt and confusion there will be a perfect moment when it all will make sense. My life. The truth is, that even if I never get all of the things I want, or, in fact, any of the things I want, God will never leave my side and I would not part with his presence for anything.
God
I am definitely not master of my life. My weaknesses prevent that. It is such a relief to me that you are master of my life, of the situations that cause me pain. I'm glad that they are not meaningless, that you will not let them permanently harm me. You are close by. And you care for me so lovingly because you know what I need better than I know myself. I selfishly and impatiently seek to end my suffering. But you know when the right time will be. And then, at that moment, you will step in and demonstrate that you are master. I want it to be soon, but know it may not be. Please give me patience.
Jesus [said]..."Come out of him!". When the demon had thrown him down before them, he came out of him without having done him any harm.
It is possible to come unharmed out of suffering because Jesus will always be master of the situation.
This seems actually impossible to me, that I could be changed by an experience of suffering without being harmed. That Jesus really is, or chooses to be, master of all the suffering in my life, in the lives of people I love. It is difficult, I suppose, not to take the hard lesson, the negative lesson, not to confront God with confusion, suspicion, anger. It's true that I sometimes don't understand why, if God really loves me, as 'master' of the situation, he doesn't protect me from all the ache.
But I suppose it is only the foolish tantrum of a child to say this. Like in Psalm 73 - 'When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant; I was like a brute beast toward you.' Because neither does a small child understand why their parents won't let them stay up all night, eat only sweets and never vegetables, bang pots continually with a wooden spoon, play with matches. They don't understand the purpose of this apparently cruel treatment, but in retrospect it all makes sense. In retrospect they see that their parents were actually looking after them more carefully, more lovingly, than they could have looked after themselves. Because they are the joy of their parent's lives: the tenderest, most precious gifts their parents will ever be given, and that they long to protect.
This is true of my life. Or I hope it is. Jesus IS master of my life, of my suffering. And although I may suffer all kinds of insults, humiliations, bruises, pain, God cares for me more lovingly than I could possibly care for myself. And the important things will remain intact, will even be enhanced. My confidence in him. I hope this is true, that after all the questioning, all the fear and doubt and confusion there will be a perfect moment when it all will make sense. My life. The truth is, that even if I never get all of the things I want, or, in fact, any of the things I want, God will never leave my side and I would not part with his presence for anything.
God
I am definitely not master of my life. My weaknesses prevent that. It is such a relief to me that you are master of my life, of the situations that cause me pain. I'm glad that they are not meaningless, that you will not let them permanently harm me. You are close by. And you care for me so lovingly because you know what I need better than I know myself. I selfishly and impatiently seek to end my suffering. But you know when the right time will be. And then, at that moment, you will step in and demonstrate that you are master. I want it to be soon, but know it may not be. Please give me patience.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Jesus suffered. A lot.
Luke 4.2
For forty days he was tempted by the devil. He at nothing at all during those days.
Jesus also suffered temptation. Such an abstract word - but: he was tempted to do things he - wanted? Tempted to make life easier, the journey simpler, his glory on earth greater. Instead he chose to make life harder, to receive little praise from men, to suffer most. And I thank God for that.
It seems so cruel and heartless to say that I rejoice in Jesus' suffering. And if there had been any way to shield him, I would do that. Any way to give the human race what they need without Jesus suffering the abuse, the insults, the humiliation and the death that he did, I would do it. But there was no other way. And we need his sacrifice. Without it we cannot, I cannot, live. I would be separate from God - that I could not bear, that I would not survive. Even on earth, let alone in the after life.
God. Father. Jesus.
It seems so incredibly unfair that you had to suffer in a way that I would not be able to cope with - so that I could be blessed. I know you chose that path. I know you would do it again. But it aches me that I can't go back and prevent it all. It hurts me every time I read of how you were abused. And I know how little I deserve your intervention, your suffering, your unfailing neverending allencompassing love.
In a weird way I know, but totally don't know, why you did it. I'm not worth that. You must be so disappointed that you suffered all that way and now I am the way I am and not worth the trouble. I'm so sorry I'm not more worth saving. But thankyou SO much, for saving me anyway.
For forty days he was tempted by the devil. He at nothing at all during those days.
Jesus also suffered temptation. Such an abstract word - but: he was tempted to do things he - wanted? Tempted to make life easier, the journey simpler, his glory on earth greater. Instead he chose to make life harder, to receive little praise from men, to suffer most. And I thank God for that.
It seems so cruel and heartless to say that I rejoice in Jesus' suffering. And if there had been any way to shield him, I would do that. Any way to give the human race what they need without Jesus suffering the abuse, the insults, the humiliation and the death that he did, I would do it. But there was no other way. And we need his sacrifice. Without it we cannot, I cannot, live. I would be separate from God - that I could not bear, that I would not survive. Even on earth, let alone in the after life.
God. Father. Jesus.
It seems so incredibly unfair that you had to suffer in a way that I would not be able to cope with - so that I could be blessed. I know you chose that path. I know you would do it again. But it aches me that I can't go back and prevent it all. It hurts me every time I read of how you were abused. And I know how little I deserve your intervention, your suffering, your unfailing neverending allencompassing love.
In a weird way I know, but totally don't know, why you did it. I'm not worth that. You must be so disappointed that you suffered all that way and now I am the way I am and not worth the trouble. I'm so sorry I'm not more worth saving. But thankyou SO much, for saving me anyway.
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